Tech Tip Week 9: Meme Generator

Tech Tip Meme Generator

Note: I made this meme 3-4 years ago and just refined it. I love Archer, it is my favorite adult animation featuring Jon H. Benjamin as a not-so-secret, secret agent. I even named my dog Archie after the show. It follows the i sarcastic, not conventionally bright player and mama's boy, Sterling Archer. He has a quirk introduced in the first episode about leaving food lying around to which he says "Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants." This recurs throughout the series so i made a meme about a ridiculous Pinterest bowl made of peppermints, as that will bring ants.

Source

Week 9 Story Telling B: Japanese Mythology B

Japanese Mythology B

Romance of Old Japan Part 1: Mythology and Legend by E. W. Champney and F. Champney (1917). Text Source

The Labors of Yamato-The Grotto of Love

• yamato was tired of Tachibana and her devotion since to more fighting was necessary
• he sought distraction and rode in quest of a stag and boar ignoring his princess who was sad but didn't complain
• Y longed for the lost siren, mysterious mermaid. One day he wandered on the island of Enoshima hearing elven music
• he followed it seeming to come from every direction all the way to a cliff with a great grotto that glowed with green light when he saw faint female shadows
• Y jumped in the water and swam to the mouth of the cave but hesitated for legend said it was a trap baited to lure humans to their death
• he heard new songs with a sweet voice calling him and he continued briskly
• he stepped on what felt like a rock but was actually a dragon snorting and heading to sea but this did not phase him and he kept following the light through tortuous things before coming to a chamber
• he saw a beautiful sight of imperial halls bathed in moonlight and clouds with golden sand and sliver pebbles and gates made of diamonds and jade in each corner emitting light
• a coral couch sat a siren singing while playing a gold and amber lute
• she sang of the presence of Benten goddess of Deathless Love tempting Y to explore their realm
• her beautiful hand maidens set a banquet before him of rare and delicious dishes and poured ambrosial sake into cups of sea lilies, gem like fruits on plates made of sea anemones. translucent shells made of pearls shed soft silver light on the room
• Y kneeled before Benten asking for her love and then he may die in peace. she continued singing  her strange songs but he was still entranced
• she told him he must dare death to win her love and he said there was nothing he wouldn't do for life with her. she told him to sail to Horaizan and gain the Golden Apple of Youth 

The Labors of Yamato- The Golden Apple

Golden Apple from Minecraft. Source
Minecraft is my favorite game and as soon as I read this I thought of the glowing of an enchanted golden apple from MC.

• He asked about the land
• she said long ago across the Yellow Ocean and kingdom of Cathay a monster ugly and mean lived there and all worshipped him
• Jofuku was the royal doctor feared every day would be his last and one day told his master that he would sale to the Isle of Life Eternal and fetch the Apple Golden for him since his life is valueless compared to the monster
• the King agreed and Jofuku sailed over the sea for days and months and years until he found the Wonder-Tree the Tree of YOuth Immortal floated on a foam island the Island of Delight
• Jofuku said "This fairs island is just the place for me and i will live here forever eating of the Wonder-Tree" He landed on the shore and was in a Forest of Enchantment
• he lived there for 5 score years (100) but felt no passing of time
• One day he walked to the foam flowered valley as he watched a sea bird flying south and he summoned the bird asking him to bring him to his home so he could dy.
• the stork agreed and Jofuku was overjoyed to return home with the Golden Apple but upon return the tyrants life ended and now he ascended Khan of Khans was king 
• after Benten told the story she said if he could go to that island and bring it back she would give him eternal love and youth

The Labors of Yamato- The Demon Boar

• Y returned to Kashiwa-bara and demanded his servants to tell him what they knew of the Island of Golden Apples but no one knew anything
• He asked the fishermen the same but they also didn't know
• He was despaired and felt no joy in anything not even his wife so he goes to Princess T who cried when seeing him after his long absence
•  he impatiently demanded why she was crying and she told him it was because she was so happy he was back safely and she missed him
• one day a country guy went to Y to complain that in the forest of Hakone there was a giant boar possessed by a demon that not even Susa-no-wo would fight him 
• Y said he would take care of it and went to talk with the High Priestess to discuss and she told him he will need the Sacred Sword to defeat the boar and only his tail is vulnerable
• Y took the sword but asked how he would ever accomplish that in reality but that he could do it because he is awesome 
• Y set out with a group of hunters and set forth to a forest at the foot of Fujiyama scaring away tons of birds and quick rabbits. they kept course in the beautiful forest
• they quested steep ravines and cliffs to a jagged crag where the Demon Boar was 
• Hunters would surround and charge the Boar only to be gored by the tusks right through the gut and falling dead to the ground
• Archers shot arrows at it but only bounced off of its hide
• Y himself charged on his stallion at the boar ignoring HP's warning and his horse was gored too
• Y got up and tried to get his horse up but it wouldn't move since it was DYING and looked at Y silently begging for a mercy kill
• but suddenly the monster charged at Y who hid behind a tree trunk where the boar waited for him to come out
• Well Y was stuck between a Boar and a Dark Abyss so he drew the Sacred Sword and jumped over the boars head and grabbed its tail and cut it off. The demon plunged over the abyss and exploded into a thousand pieces as it his the bottom while Y slid off its back just before the fall

The Labors of Yamato-The Grass Cleaving Sword

• Y and his men went to the shore of Suraga nad journeyed to the plains of Sagami after defeating the local savages
• the chiefs welcomed Y with fake hospitality and invited his hunters to a deer-hunt on the moor naive to the treachery they had planned
• they stalked the stag all day when at the time the rivers were most hectic Y was awoken by goblin laughter
• thinking it was a dream he rubbed his eyes but it was not. but the crackling increased and light glowed from the sky until the stars were blocked by a cloud of smoke that moved like a serpent of fire
• Yamato sprang up and saw that he entire moor all around him was a sea of flames shouting to his comrades he tried to find an opening in the fire
• while that was happening thousands of deer scared of the fire ran around and trampled and gored horses and hunters blindly
• Y told his archers to shoot down the steeds but the fire got worse and and they  gave up hope
• suddenly Y saw a woman running around in fiery clothes in the grass until she tore them off and her long hair singed and her body burned and it was Tacibana who fell at his feet
• she cried no pain but joyously bade Y to use what she just did as an example. and Y cut down the burning grass with the sacred sword and taking the drill, made a path to the sea and the wind turned and went to burn the savages instead
• the warriors escaped through aid of the Sacred Sword but more likely Princess Tacibana

The Labors of Yamato-The Sacred Sword

• Y and Princess T rode home pasing Isle of Enoshima in the distance
• again the siren song Tempted Y and his madness fell over him
• Y told her to ride home and to hide her until her hair grew back and her skin healed as she cried  she did as she was told but sang a song of hope saying she doesn't care anymore but one morning she will hold him in her lustrous hair
• Y went to the grotto again and stepped on the dragon and slashed at it and it cried
• Benton warned not to hurt her guardian or she will kill him and Y said "nope bc this sword can even kill you"
• the siren was then glad because the dragon was really her dad Susa-no-wo evil god who wanted the sword himself bid Benten to lure it from yamato
• Yamato cried that he didn't have the apple yet and she reproached lightly but summoned her maids to spread a banquet and tainted his sake with a sleeping potion and played lullabies
• when Y awoke at dawn he looked for Benten and called for his Beloved  but no one responded
• a mocking laugher rang out and Y jumped up and saw that he was alone and found no one and the Sword was gone
• He went to the shore and cried for hours about what happened and he would have reluctantly returned to his princess but he got lost
• the white peak of Fujiyama loomed in the distance but Kwannon the merciful aided him and appeared above the mountain and there gleamed a damsel robed in white hovering above the sea
• there he prayed as she was clearly no mortal  and he begged her to strengthen him and give him bravery so he can gain the Sacred Sword again
• She told him not to worry and that he will find his sword on a deer's horns in the mountains and that he will get it when he kills the deer
• he realized that was Kwannon Goddess of Mercy and Love and went to look on the scoured moor for the magic stag when suddenly a bamboo stalk sprang from the ground tall and lean but really strong so he clove the shaft and found a pointed flint to put in it. and lay on the ground
• he then heard soft padded feet and saw a shaggy dog that jumped over him and ran off then he followed the dog thinking it had the scent of the stag
• then more dogs came around and he realized it was Kwannon that lent her hounds
• he climbed to a vantage point and in a meadow beneath him he found the magic stag by a lake
• suddenly the stag smelled him and ran to the lake but the wolves gained on him and its leader almost got it but the deer tossed him off
• so Y jumped in and threw his lance at it and swam to the struggling stag and saw that he met his mark and grabbed the sword and finished off the stag then the demon sank into the depths while Y swam to shore

The Labors of Yamato- The Dragon

• Y was happy and realized that Benten did not love him but rather the word and he yearned for his faithful wife but first decided to visit the sorceress and charger her with treachery and theft
• he went back to the grotto and gazing into the jade green water and saw her glittering gold scales and went in pursuit of her as the dark waves closed down on him
• Y sandk like a stone and the sea ang a sweet and sorrowful song of death and love  then he was reminded of returning to the surface but he felt enclosed by the folds of a serpent and chill struck his heart
• the sound became louder and clearer and he recognized it was benten who threatened to hold him forever and that 3 times she has let him escape but no more unless a goddess with more love could
• then far above Y was aware of Princess T murmuring hsi name and he could see her smile and saw her hair he knew she was the goddess more beautiful and loving than Benten
• Princess T's hair grew down like vines and grabbed Yamato and pulled him away to the surface 
• Princess T made sure he was okay anxiously but he was so tired he collapsed in her arms but when he came to T was gonde and he was not sure if she went for help but hours passed and she did not come back 
• he went back to his city where everything was in a panic and Y asked what happened and people said a dragon had devastated the livestock and rice fields overwhelming the land with pestilence and death
• Y hurried to the palace where he heard the dragon and cries of his people
• he went from room to room cellar to turret looking for Y only to find a pile of bodies then searched the gardens and outer buildings following trails of blood but found nothing
• suddenly he heard the priestess chanting and mounting a Pagoda and found T in white clothes waving a wand and chanting the norito
• suddenly her voice was interupted with a load roar it was the thunder God Raiden beating his drums the clouds shut and Futen the Wind God unleashed the winds while a flash of lightening hjurtled Susa-no-wo the Dragon of the Sea
• his head was camel his horns like a stag, eyes like coals of fire, crocodile scales with tiger paws and eagle talons
•  it spat fire and steam and charged at Y
• he evaded it and slashed its belly but every stroke made him more tangled in his coils and this went on and seemed all would fail until Y lunged at the throat and the monster flew away but soon crashed to its death
• Y heard T chanting that evils of reptiles will disappear for ever and the evil spirits will be in the Sea Plain and sent to the Whirlpool Gate to Yomi where they will be gone for good
• Y saw T who thanked him for saving her again
• They agreed to never part and lived joyously
• one day during a monsoon Y went to Ainos and went by sea rather than mountain
• T was worried that he was not in the right mind to venture and asked that she join him
• he pushed her worries aside and said it was his last fight then they will live in peace
• while at sea Y exclaimed that he need not worry about Susa-no-wo at sea since he already defeated him on land
• this angered him and he created a storm that beat up the ship and heard a siren warning him that because he defied her father, she will gain him forever as a victim
• T saw the siren stretching her arms and forgetting his prior infidelity she was willing to sacrifice her self to benten to save her husband
• the tempest stopped and a white heron flew to the sun and Y jumped into the sea and battled for T but when he came to the surface she was dead

Japan: Faery Robe

• in Suruga the wind sways and snow falls on the mountain tops
• a fisherman hears far off water and ethereal melodies but fears they are from a tempest but realizes it is Mother Spring
• Over the mountain of Fujiyama grand a cloud hovered then dissolved in the air
• a fairy in a feathered robe stood by the sea and chanted then laid down her lute and hung her robe on a branch and jumped into the scie 
• the robe looked like feathers from a celestial dove and he sought to steal it and use it to bring himself fortune
• the faery popped up and asked to give it back or else she cannot make it to the cloudland that is her home
• he said before he gives it to her to dance the dance that makes the moon go round
• she says she needs her robe first but he says no dance first
• she calls him an evil man and said she cannot dance without it 
• then moved by pity love and shame and gave it back 
• she then donned her rainbow wings and again played her lure and sang and danced that moved the myriad gods by Uzumes wile and lured the goddess back to earth to greet us with her smile
• the fisher was entranced as if he saw a blossom from Paradise 
• she waved her rainbow wings to the breeze and skimmed the surface of the seas and flew way 

The Jewel of Heart's Desire: The Land of Morning Calm

• emperor Chiuai reclined in his summer pavilion looking at the sea and played his lute and knew only two delights, the art of music and his bride
• the empress was adept in manly sports, a fearless amazon and huntress 
• She asked if he was the son of Yamato
• he said yes but my father subdued the country and there was nothing there but queen kingdom and his lute
• she said unworthy son of a glorious man i would have you bear the sword of Yamato beyond the sea. I had a dream where the Sun Goddess came to me and said west lies the Land Morning Calm where hidden is the Crystal of Heart's Desire, the Jewel that i am about to give you"
• he said don't trust dreams and said even those who ascend the mountains can se no more than what we see of the water and claims there is no land beyond the western sea
• a blinding light flooded the room and Amaterasu descended in anger and told him that because he did not believe the dream she gave the empress he will dies and she will rule
• he then died and the empress put his fingers on the lute and begged that he wake again and play
• he sang let us set sail to the Land of Morning Calm then the lute fell from his hands she held a candle to his lips to see if he breathed he did not
• there was a rule that women cannot rule unless in name of her consort  so Prime Minister Takeuchi concealed the death of the emperor and said that he delegated the Empress to command the expedition west and assembled a fleet
• Empress Jingu was angry and besought an omen of the gds " my departed husband was pleased to give me the distaff and needle .Vouchsafe a sign Sun goddess. Grant that with fragile thread i may draw to land a great fish
• she took her thread and needle and bent it into a hook then baited it with a cherry bloom and cast it to the seas where immediately the waters bubbled and a monstrous shark came forth
• she prayed again this time for armor and weapons  and soon maidens came out of nowhere and removed her jewels and dressed her in a manly disguise and dressed her in a dragon crested helmet and golden steel breast plate and an 8 foot tall spear as well as the Sacred Sword
• She emerged and said behold the sun goddess armed me for victory
• They successfully maneuvered through monsters and storms of all sorts
• she heard her husband's voice encouraging her forward and after days of no luck they finally found land with mountains and plains and a tranquil bay nestled a white walled city but a massive chain forbade entrance to the harbor
• empress held the Jewel of Prince Fire-Fade and the water swept over the city and bore the fleet to the temple garte
• thinking this was the fulfillment of ancient prophecy, the scared King came forth waving a white banner and knelt before the Empress
• Fearing their nation was swallowed by the sea the Koreans swore to remain loyal to the Empress
• They presented her with the Jewel of Heart's Desire a crystal ball that would emit flames in time of peril but in peace was radiant like the moon
• She gave it to Takeuchi who hung it on the mast so it could guide the way home
• as soon as they set forth it burst into flames as Futen the Wind God unleashed a typhoon
• Benten the Dragon's daughter longed to possess the ball so she tore it from the mast and took it to the sea. 
• Empress was angry and demanded that the PM not be seen until he retrieves it.

The Quest of the Jewel

• the journey ended in ruin and disgrace and Takeuchi retired from the Court. Resolved on self-destruction he climbed to the top of a cliff when a fishermaid Tamatori followed him secretly 
• she had long loved him in secret sadly knowing only a princess would wed the famous daimio
• she yelled at him to stay as she grabbed him but he begged her to let him do it as he is disgraced and told her what happened 
• she cried that she saw a wonderous light as if a star fell to the sea
• Takeuchi gazed into the water and saw a coral pagoda 100 stories tall and on the top saw the Jewel of Heart's Desire
• It was the palace of Benten
• The fisher maid told him not to worry because she can swim well and will retrieve it for him since she loves him
• as she grabbed it the sea-dragon crawled from his lair and on every side sea monsters helped him and cuttlefish blinded her eyes and devilfish tangled her limbs
• Tamatori feared her hour had come and knew that a dragon would not mess with a corpse she plunged her sword into her chest and thrust the jewel with in the wound 
• Takeuchi was saddened to see the maiden lifeless but she clutched the jewel across her chest smiling in death
• He commanded she be placed on a lordley catafalque and conveyed with all honor
• people from all over came to bear tribute even samurai with drums and dirges honored her as if they had jus twon a battle  
• the empress knelt at the maidens bier  and placed the patent of nobility in her hand making her Princess of Hearts Desire only too late
• Overjoyed she promoted the PM to regency

Urashima

• on a warm spring day sailed forth ro suminoye
• I remembered the story of Urashima the bonito ever questing 
• who for 7 long suns never resting but never made it home  or to suminoye
• after questing fruitlessly U drew forth a tortoise from the water which was symbolic of long life and was holy
• he spared him and returned him to the sea
• lulled by gentle waves from zephyrs U fell asleep and then came a vision of a maid beyond fair 
• the daughter of the dragon with the glory of the sunset glimmering in her hair
• she whispered his name saying she was the tortoise he spared and to come live with her in her castle under water. With you r flower-wife ever living and never dying
• he laughed and went with her and lived for along time ageless and never dying
• he mentioned how he wanted to see his family and sadly Otohime gave hima talismanic casket but warned him of opening it
• he continued his voyage but fruitlessly and saw nothing where his village should be
• he opened the casket and the talisman of life floated away shouting and trying to grabbed but suddenly he tottered and fell to the earth old and wrinkled and died

Week 7 Story: Splash Mountain Adventure

Splash Mountain Entrance source

 Splash Mountain Adventure

    I am in Disney World celebrating my sister's 18th birthday and high school graduation strolling around Adventureland in Magic Kingdom. I hear the crash of waves and smell the fragrance of heavily chlorinated water as well as joyous screams. I am waiting in line for my favorite ride, Splash Mountain. Finally, the seemingly endless line comes to an end and it is my family and I's turn to hop in the damp mechanical log. I was excited to see the scenes from Brer Rabbit Stories play out on 20 year old animatronic characters as the log floated by. The ride kicked off and as we turned the corner approaching the first turn that reveals our first animatronic scene, everything goes dark. 

    When the lights come back on the mechanical log seems rougher and even more uncomfortable than usual. They were real logs! I look around and no one seems phased. I take a closer look and realize the scenery is real grass and trees, then, sure enough an actual furry rabbit and fox pop out of no where. This seems so real but it can't be, I am on a ride based on the Brer Rabbit parts of  Song of the South, this is only in my head. Right?

    The other passengers suddenly fade away as the first story seems to begin, Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Bear. I see Mr. Fox planting a peanut patch while Brer Rabbit watches from his porch singing:

Ti-yi! Tungalee! I eat 'em pea, I pick 'em pea.

It grow in the ground, it grow so free;

Ti-yi! Them goober pea.

    Then the scene fades to Rabbit sneakily digging peanuts from the freshly ripe peanut plants, and quickly hopping away before Mr. Fox approaches. Mr. Fox is frustrated by the seemingly repetitive assault on his peanut patch. He set a trap with a tree sapling tied to the broken part of the fence Rabbit snuck out of. He walked away pleased with his work and the lights faded in and out again. When the light comes up Rabbit is sneaking into Fox's garden again and is swung up into the air in the trap filled with fear. He mumbles to himself seemingly thinking up an excuse for when Fox arrives when Brer Bear appears with a sticky beehive in hand.

"Howdy Bear!" said Rabbit
"Oh hello Rabbit, are you stuck?" Brer Bear replied.
"No, no, I am acting as a scarecrow for Mr.Fox's peanut patch. I am making $1 a minute. You have kids, maybe you would like a turn to earn some extra?" Rabbit suggested.
"Oh that sounds mighty swell Rabbit. You sure you want to give up this deal?" Bear responds.
"Oh it is no trouble for a friend Bear, help me down and you can take my place." Said Rabbit.

    The two switched places and Rabbit ran to Fox's den, knocking on the door and pointing toward the patch when Fox answered. He was telling Fox that Bear had been sneaking into the peanut patch. Fox rushes over with a hiking stick and starts hitting the dangling Bear like a piñata. All the while, Rabbit hops away pleased with himself. 

    The lights go out again but this time when they flash back on, Rabbit is being dangled from his ears in the grasp of Brer Fox. Fox is licking his lips hungrily while staring at the frightened Rabbit:

"I would roast you but that would be too much work to start a fire" suggested Fox
"Whatever you say just don't throw me into the Brer Patch!" replied Rabbit.
"Maybe I'll skin ya! Oh, I don't have my knife" Fox thought aloud.
"Sure thing, Boss. Just not the Brer Patch!" Rabbit Said.
"I'd drown ya but there ain't enough water" Brer Fox threatened.
"Sure beats the Brer Patch" stated Rabbit.
"Hmm seems like you really don't like that Brer Patch? Why don't I just chuck you there?" said Mr. Fox.
"Oh please not the Brer Patch! Anything but that!" Rabbit Pleaded.

    Suddenly there was a flash and I wasn't in the log anymore. I felt small and hungry for carrots. I turned and I was eye to eye with Mr. Fox! I took Rabbit's place! In moments I was flying through the air directly toward a real briar bush! I shut my eyes fearing the worst. Suddenly I was drenched in water and opened my eyes. I was back, the plastic mechanical log was back, the creepy animatronics were singing amongst faux flora and fauna. I have no idea what happened but it sure was something, but I think I am good on Splash Mountain for a while.

Bibliography

Joel Chandler Harris, Uncle Remus: His Songs and His Sayings  (1881), Text Source

Authors Note

    Splash Mountain was one of my favorite rides at Disney World so I decided to make a sort of fever dream adventure where I was sucked into the Uncle Remus stories featured in the ride. On another topic to address is that the ride is being re-themed because of the racially insensitive nature of Song of the South, the Disney movie which the representation of Brer Characters in the ride are derived. The movie is live action story of slaves and masters living in harmony, white washing history, but featuring animated cut-aways of Uncle Remus Brer Rabbit stories. The ride only features parts from the animated scenes which bring to light African American folklore but due to the connections to Song of the South, commonly viewed as racist and offensive, Disney had decided to remove all connection from it by changing it to a 2009 Princess and the Frog theme.

Reading Week 7 B: Brer Rabbit continued

 Mr. Fox and the Deceitful Frogs

• this picks up where Mr. Tarrypin left off
• Turtle is bubbling at the bottom of the pond when Bull Frog starts making sounds
• Frog responds "knee-deep" and BullFrog says "dont believe him" Then Turtle makes more gurgles
• Frog says "wade -in" as if he is translating for Turtle. Bull Frog tells Fox "there youll find your brother"
• Fox did see another Fox across the pond and reached across to shake his hand and fell in he didnt die and managed to scurry away but had he stayed any longer and the Mud Turtle wouldve gotten him

Old Mr.Rabbit, He's a Good Fisherman

• Rabbit finally got some peace and Bear Fox, Coon, and Rabbit all were working on a new roasting area by clearing the Briar and Rabbit was tired but feared he would be called lazy so he kept going and then pretended to have a brer stuck in his paw
• He left and found a well that seemed cool and sat in the bucket but began sinking in scared, Fox was following him and was confused and thought Rabbit either had his money there, found a gold mine, or something else that Fox would find out
• Fox crept close but didn't see nor hear anything. Rabbit stayed still so he wouldn't spill into the water saying his prayers over and over then Fox yelled down and asked who Rabbit was visiting.
• Rabbit said he was fishing for suckers. Fox asked how many were there, Rabbit said tons and that he needed help getting them out. 
• He got out of the bucket and held the rope and told Fox to hop in and grab the suckers then he will pull him out. Fox did, lifting Rabbit back up. 
• On the way up Rabbit sang :Good-bye, Brer Fox, take care your clothes;For this is the way the world goes; Some goes up and some goes down, You'll get to the bottom all safe and sound.
• Then he told the owners of the well that Fox was down there muddying up the water, then went back and told fox that a man with a gun was going to pull him up and that when he does he better run
• So half an hour later the two of them make it back to the clearing and work harder than ever, Rabbit occasionally laughing and Fox smiling embarrassed

Mr. Rabbit Meets His Match Again

• Buzzard and Rabbit went together on a crop and it did really well but Rabbit cheated Buzzard out of his share
• The crop was gone and Rabbit pretended to be more sad than Buzzard to throw him off the trail Buzzard knew and planned 
• one day Buzzard told Rabbit he found a gold mine across the river but Rabbit had to find a way to cross the river because whenever he got wet the whole family caught cold
• Buzzard said he would fly him across and he flew him to the tallest pine on an island in the river Rabbit caught on and told Buzzard since he was so nice he would show him his gold mine first and that they should head back
• Buzzard laughed because he didn't believe this Rabbit told him not to laugh because when he shakes it shakes his wings then they both will fall. 
• Buzzard starts going down and Rabbit explains what happened to the crops and agrees to divide it fair and Buzzard takes him home but Rabbit walked weak in the knees for a month

A Story About The Little Rabbits

• The Lil Rabbits were really good kids and if they were to ever misbehave they wouldve been harshly punished
• one day Fox came by and didn't see Rabbit who was out raiding a collard patch, or Miss Rabbit who was doing quilting with someone in town, Just the Lil Rabbits playing Hide n Switch
• The Lil Rabbits (I am calling them Bunnies from now on) were fat and tasty looking but Fox didn't act yet remembering what happened to Wolf
• the Bunnies huddled in the corner with fear while Fox came up with an excuse. He noticed a sugar cane in the corner and asked the Bunnies to break him off a piece but they couldn't no matter how hard they tried.
• A bird told sang a song of advice: 

Take your toothies and gnaw it,

Take your toothies and saw it,

Saw it and yoke it,

And then you can broke it.

• The Bunnies chewed it off just in time to give it to Fox who had to think of another excuse, he saw a sifter and told them to go to the creek and get him some water with it
• The Bunnies were sad because they couldn't get water with a sifter then a bird told them:

Sifter hold water same as a tray,

If you fill it with moss and dob it with clay;

The Fox get madder the longer you stay—

Fill it with moss and dob it with clay.

• They did and brought Fox water, which made him mad, so he told them to put this ginormous stick on the fire
• Bunnies couldn't do it so the bird sang again:

Spit in your hands and tug it and toll it,

And get behind it, and push it, and pole it;

Spit in your hands and rear back and roll it.

• They got the wood on the fire just as their dad came home, the bird flew away and the Fox tried to dash away but Rabbit asked him to stay for a snack as he gets lonely since Wolf no longer stops by to visit. this scared Fox and he went home

Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Bear

• One day Fox said he should plant a Goober patch and he went to work immediately
• Rabbit watched this and sang to his kids:

Ti-yi! Tungalee! I eat 'em pea, I pick 'em pea.

It grow in the ground, it grow so free;

Ti-yi! Them goober pea.

•  The goobers sprouted up soon enough but every time Fox went to check them, they were all torn up and he suspected Rabbit but Rabbit was so good at covering his tracks, there was no proof.
• one day Fox saw a crack in the fence where the rail had run smooth and set a trap. He bent down a hickory sapling and tied plow line to it and then a slip knot and trigger and attached it to the crack 
• Sure enough the next day Rabbit was stuck in the trap and was afraid he would fall while dangling but also was afraid of what would happen if he didn't get out. he started to think of an excuse for Fox when Bear came by after getting into a bee hive. He greeted Bear
• Bear asks how Rabbit is, Rabbit says he is fine, Bear asks why he is up there. Rabbit tells him he is making a dollar a minute acting as a scarecrow for Fox's goober-patch, and if Bear wanted to take his place since he has all those kids. 
• Bear and Rabbit switch places. Rabbit then runs and tells Fox someone is caught in his trap. Fox sees Bear and before he could explain Fox hits him in the mouth with his walking stick, this goes on anytime Bear opens his mouth
• meanwhile Rabbit runs away and hides from Bear, sure enough Bear runs down the road and asks Frog if he's seen Rabbit, Frog tells him he went that way, as Bear passed Rabbit got out of the mud hole he was hiding in and dries off then goes home like nothing happened.

Mr. Terrapin Shows His Strength

• I am calling Terrapin Turtle
• Miss Meadows and her gals are making Candy one evening and everyone comes and helps out in peace since there is a rule about fighting there
• Bear gets firewood, Fox tends fire, Rabbit greases plates so candy doesn't stick, Wolf keeps the dogs away and Turtle keeps the molasses from boiling over
• Rabbit starts bragging about he is the fastest, Fox he is the most clever, Wolf says he is the most servigorous, and Bear the strongest
• Turtle says they left him out and that he knows he is faster than Rabbit as he beat him before, but he also is stronger than Bear. And everyone doubted him and he said if they have a rope Bear can try to pull him up from the river
• The guys say they don't have rope so Turtle says then he must be stronger than Bear since Bear is chickening out. 
• Miss Meadows offers up her rope and says the guys can go down and settle the bet while the candy cools
• Turtle goes down to the river and tells the guys to bring the rope back to the woods up hill while he gets ready and he will hollar when he is
• Turtle ties the rope to a tree root in the water instead and hollars. Bear pulls on the rope winking at the ladies but the rope doesn't budge
• he tries harder with the rope over his shoulder, same result. Wolf helps, same thing. Turtle asks why they haven't started
• Turtle feels they quit pulling and unties the rope from the root and sits casually and tells Bear that that last pull was pretty strong and a little more and he would have had him , and that he had a bit of advantage on him being in the water
• Bear took well to the sweet talk and suggested they go get their candy and they did

Deluge

• Not really a Brer story but the Uncle Remus version of the great flood with african animals
• Back a long time ago animals used to have the same amount of cognisance as humans and would meet and settle their affairs
• Lion was there as the King, so was Rino, Elephant, even down to the Crawfish and they would argue and yell and sort our their dealings
• Elphant put his foot down while arguing and squished a Crawfish who squished whatever was under him. The Crawfish were mad now and took off with a big speech calling out the Elephant but no one heard except for Mud Turtle and Lizard who had no real say
• Lion and Unicorn were arguing and Elephant stomped again squishing another Crawfish almost getting Mud Turtle too. The Crawfish called Elephant out again but they may as well just been singing 
• No one paid attention to the Crawfish who waited nervously then not wanting to get squished, winked at Lizard and Mud Turtle and began boring holes in the ground
• They kept going until the reached the fountains of the earth and all the water rose out and drowned the other animals all because the bigger animals wouldn't listen

Plantation Proverbs

• I read these but they are all self explanatory so I did not denote them

Joel Chandler Harris, Uncle Remus: His Songs and His Sayings  (1881), Text Source

Brer Bear Caught in Brer Fox's Goober Trap From Mr. Rabbit and Mr. Bear  on the Disney World Ride, Splash Mountain. Source

Note:

I have been to Disney World 3 times and love Splash Mountain but it wasn't until I went when I was 16 that I knew the origins of the ride were not just from Song of the South but rather the Brer Rabbit Stories that the movie was based on. Recently Disney has made the decision due to concerns that the ride was too outdated and racially insensitive. They instead will be changing the ride to be in the theme of 2009 film Princess and the Frog which highlights black culture in early 1920's New Orleans.

Reading Week 7 A: Brer Rabbit Stories

 The Calamus Root

• Brer Rabbit and Brer Fox constantly quarrel with Rabbit Evading Fox
• Fox tells Rabbit one day that Bear thinks that they don't get along well so Rabbit invites Fox to dinner to squash that rumor 
• Fox doesn't show but Rabbit sees him lurking outside. Fox then calls out sick the next day and asks Rabbit to join him for dinner.
• Rabbit joins but sees no food and asks if they are having chicken and Fox says yes. Rabbit says okay but I only eat it with Calamus Root so let me find some and runs out the door knowing Fox planned to eat him.
• He told Fox he put the root on the stump and while Fox was distracted assuming he would be by the stump, Rabbit got away

The Wonderful Tar-Baby Story

• the day after Calamus Root story takes place, Fox gets tar and turpentine and makes a tar child and places it in the road.
• Briar Rabbit greets it and asks what is wrong but getting no response he goes to grab it and take it with him to teach it manners and gets stuck
• Rabbit then argues with it fruitlessly and keeps threatening to physically discipline it and gets more and more appendages stuck.
• Fox watches this hidden until Rabbit is stuck then tells him he will have to join him for dinner now and this time he has calamus root

Why Mr. Possum Loves Peace

• Racoon and Possum were hanging out then went on a walk and saw Dog they discussed what they would do when he approached
• Raccoon said he would fight and Possum said he would be behind him
• sure enough Dog charged and Possum played dead and Raccoon fought him off
• Raccoon left and would not speak to Possum until Possum finally asked why and Raccoon said it was because he was a coward
• Possum explained that he is super ticklish and knew that in a quarell with Dog he would be tickled and would be useless so he played dead instead knowing Raccoon could handle it. Not because he was scared but because he was smart

How Mr. Rabbit Was Too Smart For Mr. Fox

• Fox intends to cook Rabbit after being stuck in the Tar baby
• he says he is always running around and getting in everyones business
• Rabbit replies with whatever Fox proposes with "as long as you dont throw me in the Brer patch"
• Fox decides not to build a fire bc it is too much work, He decides to hang Rabbit but he has no string, then he decides to drown him but there is not deep enouogh water, then he decides to skin him but there is no knife
• finally he chucks Rabbit into the brer patch thinking that will do him most harm since he begged not to be thrown there. 
• Rabbit frees himself and runs of saying "born and bred in a brer patch"

Mr. Fox is Outdone by Mr. Buzzard

• so while Rabbit was hiding in a hollow Buzzard agreed to help Fox and watch the hollow
• well Rabbit got away under his watch and when Fox came back Buzzard lied and said Rabbit was in there napping and played along while Fox tried to cut down the tree
• Fox caught Buzzard laughing so he got him to look in the hollow and grabbed his neck and held him down and told him how he caught him even though he kept denying it. 
• Fox told him he knew it was a lie bc he saw rabbit fur from the other direction
• Buzzard then begs for his life and fox threatens to burn him in fire but he says he will just fly off 
• so Fox starts beating him against the ground until he has almost no feathers and then flies off

Mr. Wolf Makes a Failure

• Fox's Failure with Rabbit is talk of the town, Wolf sees him moping and after greeting he asks what is wrong 
• Fox says nothing is wrong but Wolf knew otherwise and said he had a plan 
• the must trick Rabbit into Fox's house. Fox is going to play dead while Wolf tells Rabbit 
• Rabbit goes to check it out but is suspicious when no one is there and talks to himself figuring out a way to find out if Fox is dead
• he says dead people lift their legs and yell wahoo when people visit them
• Fox does this so that is how Rabbit knows he is not dead and he runs away

Mr. Fox Tackles Oldman Terrypin

• So in a previous run in turtle and rabbit bested fox 
• turtle is hanging out in pain when fox greets him super nice and ask what is wrong with turtle's eyes. Turtle explains that fox doesnt know what suffering is
• Fox asks again what happened and this time turtle tells him that a man set a field on fire when he was in it and he just waited it our and said it scorched his back and smoke got his eyes. 
• Fox says it got your tail too and turtle says no it didnt and shows him. Fox grabs him and while turtle pleads for his life he says not to burn him because he is used to it
• so fox goes and throws him in a spring and turtle tells him repeatedly to let go of the root and catch him instead and Fox keeps telling him he is holding turtle not the root. he finally lets go and turtle sinks to the bottom and is right at home

The Awful Fate of Mr. Wolf

• wolf was always getting in everyones business and got tied up with Mr. Fox and his going after Rabbit
• Rabbits house was raided and he lost a child, he built a house out of straw and that got raided, then pine tops, again raided, then a bark house, same thing. each time a child was taken
• finally rabbit got pissed and got some carpenters to build him a true house with solid foundation and he finally had peace, he also had a hole in the cellar for his kids to hide
• One day wolf comes in covered in mud saying the dogs were after him and rabbit needs to hide him
• he tells wolf to hide in the chest and after a long while wolf asks if the dogs are gone and rabbit lies and says he hears one sniffing around
• so rabbit goes to boil tea in a kettle and wolf asks why and rabbit says, I am making some tea for you. Then he drills holes in the chest, wolf asks why, rabbit says so you can breathe.
• rabbit makes a fire for the tea wolf asks why, rabbit says to keep you warm
• then rabbit gets his kids and wolf ask what he is doing, rabbit says he got his kids and told them what a nice man wolf is while the kids hold back laughter
• rabbit then starts pouring tea in the holes, wolf asks what that noise is, rabbit says the wind
• as burning tea hits his skin wolf asks what that is, rabbit says flees and to turn over and see if that helps, wolf thinks they are biting really hard and turns over while rabbit pours more tea and thinks more flees are biting him. then the tea does the job and drowns/burns wolf
• everyone celebrates and rabbit hangs his hide up 

Joel Chandler Harris, Uncle Remus: His Songs and His Sayings  (1881), Text Source

Brer Fox, Rabbit, and Bear at Disney World's Splash Mountain ride Represented as they were in the Disney film Song of the South.  Source

Fun Extra Stuff: Aladdin and the Wonderful Nokia Continued

 Aladdin and the Wonderful Nokia (cont.):

Samara Sultana

    One day when Aladdin was done finishing up some jewel dealings, he was strolling in the financial district when he ran into a young woman carrying a coffee spilling it everywhere. 

"I am so sorry, " he cried, "I will buy you a new one...." he trailed off. The girl was beautiful. She had smooth caramel skin and jet black hair that had honey colored highlights blended into the ends of her hair, and the clearest hazel eyes he had ever seen. Aladdin was speechless.

"I doubt it, this dress costs more than what you make in 3 years" she scoffed. 

Aladdin remembered that even though he was in the financial district, he was still wearing his ragged jeans and green flannel. He stares at the ground lost at what to say now.

"Wait," says the girl, "I'm sorry that was really rude I should have been paying attention. I was frustrated with the conversation I was having. My name is Samara, but call me Sam. I didn't catch your's."

"I am Aladdin, and no it was not after the Disney movie, it is a family name. Hey, why don't I buy you a new coffee if you have the time?" he replied.

"Sure, you sound like a very chill person, but I don't like all those frilly 'white- mocha-cino-pumpkin-swirl' drinks." Sam replied. 

    

    Aladdin laughed and the two of them went to a nearby coffee shop where Sam ordered an iced black cold brew, while he went for a frozen hot chocolate with double whipped cream. Samara found this amusing, the two sat down at a table and began to chat. They wound up talking for hours about their likes, dislikes, and hobbies, even discovering a shared love for gaming and shared dislike of seafood. They were interrupted by the ringing of Samara's phone. 

"I am sorry I have to go. I have dinner with my father and fiance at this sushi restaurant a couple blocks over." Sam said.

"Wait I need an address to send your replacement dress.... wait fiance?!" replied Aladdin.

"I will explain another time, I will text you the address of my Dad's office so we can chat. Don't worry about the dress, really." She added before hurrying off.

Aladdin went home slightly dejected. He laid in bed that night with nothing but Samara on his mind, when his phone buzzed with a message,

"It's me, Sam. Here's my dad's office address, 

3596 Arabica Lane

Meet on the top floor at 3 PM tomorrow. See you soon!"

    Aladdin was overjoyed but confused. This woman was engaged but still he felt a strong connection with her and he got an idea. Aladdin got his Nokia out of his nightstand drawer and pressed the key pad, Eugene popped out and asked what he could do. Aladdin asked Eugene to summon the most gorgeous dress he could imagine, in the perfect size for Sam. Eugene disappeared and returned in seconds with an emerald green form fitting trumpet style dress with real emeralds clustered closely at the bottom, slowly spreading into smaller, more distance clusters approaching the high necked top. Aladdin didn't understand women's fashions but this was stunning. 

    The next morning, Aladdin got up early, unable to sleep well. He carried about his daily jeweler dealings then headed over to the coffee shop he and Sam went to the day before, dress in tow. He ordered an iced black cold brew and headed to the address she gave him careful not to spill the drink. He arrived at the address and was shocked, he was standing in front of the Sultan Industries office building. Sam was Samara Sultan, daughter of Mr. Sultan and heiress of Sultan Industries. 

    He nervously walked inside when a young man in an Armani suit shoved past him yelling "watch it street rat, or you won't have the joy of picking up anyone's dry cleaning at this company." Aladdin was shaken up a bit but nothing spilled so he continued to the elevator taking it to the top floor. There he was greeted at a grandiose desk by a petite woman with the tightest bun. She asked if he had an appointment with Mr. Sultan. Aladdin stammered nervously but before he could utter anything they were interrupted by shouting from the office located behind the desk. "I am an adult I can make my own choices!" a disgruntled Samara shouted before charging out of the office. She spotted Aladdin and her face softened, 

"Sorry about that, follow me to my office." 

"Wow you have your own office" replied Aladdin

"Not to brag but it's a whole floor, my dad kind of owns the company" she teased.

They entered the elevator and she scanned her key card as the went to the next floor down. 

"Whatcha got there?" Sam asked.

"Oh, I almost forgot this is to replace the dress I ruined" Aladdin said as he handed her the dress in a garment bag, "and this is just because" as he handed her the coffee and exiting the elevator. She had her own small coffee bar on the back wall of her "office" and  on the opposite wall, a gaming station with every console imaginable.

"Thank you! You totally didn't need to do that." she said sitting down in one of the gaming chairs while inviting Aladdin to sit in the other. Sam opened the dress and gasped with her mouth agape,

"It's amazing and perfect! You know if I wasn't engaged, you would be the perfect guy" Aladdin looked at his feet, "Look I am sorry. That is an awkward position to put you in" Samara apologized

    Samara then explained that Sultan Industries was in the process of absorbing Worthington Inc. and that Mr. Williamson was giving Mr. Sultan a great deal but only if Samara would marry his son, Chad. Samara explained that no matter how much she protested her father wouldn't budge, she found Chad boring and insufferable, but her father was the only family she had left and she was too afraid to lose him. Seeing Samara was so down, Aladdin suggested they play some Mario Kart. The two played video games for hours until once again, Sam had to leave to get ready for dinner.

    Once he was home, Aladdin had an idea. He summoned Eugene and asked that he take Chad Worthington to a beach on the West coast with beautiful waves. The next morning he received a text from Sam:

"You'll never believe it! Chad never showed for dinner and half way through he texted both of our fathers and myself that he was leaving the industry to pursue his true dream. Surfing! Are you busy later? Maybe we can finally hang for longer."  

    

    Aladdin replied that the situation was odd, unfortunately he had some business to attend to. Aladdin then talked with his mother. He asked if she would go to Mr. Sultan's office for him, knowing he likely would not be taken seriously. He asked Eugene to dress his mother up like a Wall Street woman and asked his mother to bring the box of jeweled phone cases. 

    When Aladdin's mother arrives she is greeted by the same tight-bunned woman Aladdin met the day before. The woman claimed that Mr.Sultan was taking no visitors right now but Aladdin's mom insisted. Finally, a worn out Mr. Sultan appeared from his office and told the receptionist to just let her in and stop the commotion. Aladdin's mom explains that her son is enthralled with Samara and wishes to be with her.

 

"Well unless your son has a multi-billion dollar company, I'm not interested" Sultan replied. " Oh but I will take one of those phone cases for my daughter, her fiance just ran off, this might cheer her up" Sultan grabs a case and being a man of taste realizes the jewels were real. 

"Where did you get these?" he asked. 

"My son. He has a small jeweler business." Aladdin's mom replied. Sultan then said, 

"Send him by tomorrow and let him know we will talk business." 

    Aladdin's mom returns and relays the news to Aladdin. He then summons Eugene, he asks Eugene to help him publicize the jewel work he has already done to the right people. He also requests that Eugene help him expand his market, therefore expanding his funds. Eugene took the name of giving his company the name Prince Ali's Fine Jewels Finally he asked Eugene to manage and calculate his assets, it turns out Aladdin had already gained 2 billion dollars, but Worthington industries was worth 2.3 billion. Eugene then informed Aladdin that with his new publicity he is projected to earn another billion overnight. Aladdin goes to sleep and sure enough when he wakes up, Prince Ali's had earned 3.7 billion dollars overnight. Apparently every rich CEO, celebrity, and obscure royalty needed jewels overnight. Aladdin got Eugene to dress him in a sleek grey suit, tapered at the waist and an emerald green tie matching Samara's dress. He drew up the reports he needed and set out to Sultan industries, saying goodbye to his mother before he left. She was proud that he was finally working hard at something, sure the it wasnt school or finding a job and sure Eugene did the heavy lifting, but Aladdin still had to think of what to ask for, and this cause was much more genuine than school or work, it was love.

    Aladdin reached the top floor of Sultan Industries and this time the receptionist was shocked to see him dressed up and immediately let Aladdin in. Sitting at his desk was Mr. Sultan, and in the corner Samara was leaning waiting to see what insufferable suitor her father found for her this time. Sam looked up and was surprised that it was Aladdin and began to speak when Aladdin but his finger to his lip indicating her to not reveal him. 

"Ah you must be the jeweler! I never caught your name, nor the name of your company?" Sultan questioned. 

"My apologies, Sir. I am Aladdin, founder of Prince Ali's Fine Jewels." replied Aladdin with confidence

"I have never heard of such a corporation." Sultan replied, he then Googled it and sure enough he saw thousands of results of all the celebrities, business moguls, and obscure royalty that had done business with Aladdin. 

" Here is a detailed report of my company assets" Aladdin handed Sultan a thick binder. Sultan looked at one page before saying,

"I don't need to see anymore, you are like a son to me now." Aladdin stopped him,

"I do not want to marry your daughter for business, nor do I want you to approve of me for business. I want you to know how I truly fell for your daughter without knowing who she was and only if she feels the same about me. Truth be told I met Samara 3 days ago and not a second has gone by where I haven't thought of her."  

   

    Sultan was moved and looked to Samara. Samara had no words, she practically leapt over the desk and into Aladdin's arms before planting a deep kiss on the lips. That was all Aladdin needed for an answer. He pulled out of his pocket an emerald ring, this was not retrieved by Eugene, Aladdin had picked this out himself. Samara put the ring on and said, "You couldn't think of a cheesier name? Prince Ali's?" and chortled.

    That evening while celebrating, Aladdin asked Eugene to conjure a three story luxury apartment ( with a game room of course) that would sit a top a new business office for Prince Ali's Fine Jewels. Here he and Samara lived for several months before they married. On their wedding day, Samara wore the emerald adorned dress Aladdin gave to her month ago. They then lived happily the rest of their days. 

    A year later, Aladdin and his mother received news that Amir had been arrested, the police contacted them because they were his only living family and possible victims. After Amir found out about Prince Ali's he knew this was the work of Eugene the Nokia Genie and sought to kill Aladdin and take his company. But he was caught driving a stolen vehicle and snapped under pressure and confessed to his murder plan that no one had even suspected. The officer who delivered the news said it was no surprise since his father was an international jewel thief before he died. Aladdin and his mother then knew that was why Aladdin's father never spoke to his brother and why they didn't know he had a son. 

Sort of What I Imagine the Emerald Dress to Be
Source

Bibliography

The Arabian Nights' Entertainments by Andrew Lang and illustrated by H. J. Ford (1898) Source.

Authors Note:

I wanted to continue the story I wrote for week 5. It was a modern re-telling of Aladdin. I cut out the parts about transporting the princess to his own bed every night and some of the other dealings. I also cut the part where the magician steals everything from Aladdin and made him a more human criminal who fails and is actually related to Aladdin. Most importantly, I gave the princess a voice. She could make her own decisions but was heavily pressured with the risk of losing her only family, which is a reason why a lot of different people do things they hate. Samara was able to be herself with Aladdin and Aladdin did not "buy" her like in the original, he offered himself to her and eliminated the pressure of her father by being rich, allowing her to choose. I had fun writing this and just wanted to do something fun without making my assignment story way too long.

Week 5 Story: Aladdin and the Wonderful Nokia

Aladdin and the Wonderful Nokia

   Aladdin was a smart kid but he never applied himself in school and would rather have stayed at home and play video games. His parents ran a local laundromat in the center of their city, his dad worked so hard before he had a heart attack and passed when Aladdin was only 17, leaving his mother to raise him and run the laundromat. Aladdin's father had only one request before he died, he wanted Aladdin to make something of himself and put his clever mind to work. Four years have since passed and Aladdin is working at his family's laundromat, taking unauthorized 4 hour breaks twice a day.
    One day when his mother began her weekly scolding of Aladdin's laziness and wasting of potential, Aladdin stormed out and walked the busy urban streets playing Bejeweled on his phone. Suddenly, Aladdin ran into someone, when he went to apologize the man interrupted him and asked, 

"Are you the boy from the laundromat, the one owned by Mustafa?"
Aladdin replied, "Yeah, I am, but my dad died years ago. Do I know you?"
The man said, "Probably not, but I know you. Didn't your old man ever mention his older brother Ahmad?"
"Yeah but you look a little young to be him" replied Aladdin.
"You would be correct. Ahmad was my father. I am Amir. I am your cousin" said the young man.

    Aladdin brought Amir home to his mother elated to find someone close to his father. His mother knew of her husband's estranged (she never knew why the never spoke) older brother and Amir even had pictures of his father and her husband, so she welcomed him with open arms. Amir told the family that he worked for a new startup software company but was a street performing magician on the side to make rent while this software gig sorted itself out. Aladdin's mother offered him to stay with them and in return, Amir offered to get Aladdin a real job with the startup.
    The next day Amir took Aladdin to the business district of the city and helped him pick out a nice suit to go to the job interview with the startup the next day. Aladdin's mother was so happy to see him dressed up as she hadn't seen him in anything but jeans in years. The next day after lunch Aladdin and Amir set off to a city a few towns over where the interview with the startup was to take place. They drove for hours when Amir finally parked in front of an abandoned strip mall with a run down Cricket Wireless. Amir told Aladdin that there was something of great value inside and that it could only be retrieved by two members of their bloodline and since both of their fathers were gone it was up to them to retrieve it. Aladdin thought all of this was a bunch of bologna, but his mother always told him "don't argue with crazy" and Amir was definitely crazy. Aladdin went along with it and asked what needed to be done, and asked for the time since he left his phone at home and didn't want to be late to the interview. Amir said , "there is no interview, but after this we won't need to work ever again. Oh, take this it will help you keep track of time" and he handed Aladdin a nice Skagen watch. He told Aladdin only one could go inside because the structural integrity of the building was lapsing. He instructed Aladdin to go to the back of the store into the old back room and not to touch anything on the way there as they only had 5 minutes to get what they needed. Once he got to the back room there should be a box of bejeweled phone cases and next to it a Nokia 3310, he needed to grab the Nokia and get the hell out of dodge before the building collapsed.
    Aladdin did just that but managed to grab a box of phone cases hoping he could sell them on Ebay later. Right as Aladdin was going to exit, Amir asked him to hand over the phone but he had this crazy look in his eye that made Aladdin uneasy. Aladdin refused to give it over until he got all the way outside, hoping he could give Amir the phone and get help because this dude was seriously unstable. Amir then got frustrated and got back in the car and slammed on the gas, running into the front of the building which collapsed upon Aladdin, then sped off, leaving Aladdin for dead.
    Aladdin was not seriously injured as Amir had hoped, but he was stuck and had no way to call for help. After a few minutes of panic and accepting his fate, Aladdin remembered the Nokia, the phone was indestructible and he opened it hoping there may be a signal on the old phone. He began jamming keys on it trying to get it to work when suddenly a very well dressed but translucent holographic man popped up. Aladdin believed he was hallucinating until the man spoke, " Hi I am Eugene the genie. Contrary to popular belief, you don't get only 3 wishes, you get as many as you want as long as you have my Nokia." In desperation not knowing if this was reality or not, Aladdin screamed "get me out of here and get me home!"
    Sure enough, Aladdin woke up minutes later in one of the chairs in the laundromat. "Oh, hi Ali, how was the interview? Where's Amir?!" asked his Mother. Aladdin explained that Amir must have been a con and explained what happened, that's when his mother noticed the dirt on his face and tears in his clothes. His mother consoled him, "I'm sorry Ali, I know that job would have been your ticket out of here." Aladdin assured her, "mom, I have everything I need here with you, however I do have something that may solve our problems." Aladdin showed her the phone, "I haven't seen one of these in ages! I dropped mine so many times and it never broke, but I don't see your point. Maybe you should lie down." said his Mother. Aladdin drew the blinds and locked the doors and said "no Ma, watch what it can do." He dials the buttons again and out pops Eugene, "Hiya!" he says, causing Aladdin's mother to faint. When she comes to Eugene is still there. "Ask him for anything you want Ma" said Aladdin. "Well I would like to enjoy a nice quiet meal that isn't Easy Mac off of paper plates in my sweatpants." she said. In an instant Eugene was back with at least a dozen jewel encrusted silver plates of fine foods like lobster and Jamon Iberico, Aladdin's mother was suddenly dressed in a Vera Wang dress and a HUGE diamond necklace with atrocious ruby earrings. His mother was in awe and they enjoyed a fabulous meal.
    After dinner Aladdin's mom confessed, "I loved the meal, however this outfit and this jewelry is not my taste and I don't think Jeweled silver is dishwasher safe. What are we going to do with this?" Aladdin suggests going into the business district in the morning and visiting the many jewelers. They do this and bring back several millions, they also discovered the rhinestone phone cases were made with real jewels but they decided not to sell those. They continue this process on a weekly basis for quite some time, now selling the wares privately to celebrities and other well to do individuals. Allowing them to move out of the apartment above the laundromat and into a nice loft, deciding to still run the laundromat Aladdin's father but so much work into. They finally were living comfortably and worry free.

The Infamous Nokia 3310     Image Source

Bibliography

• The Arabian Nights' Entertainments by Andrew Lang and illustrated by H. J. Ford (1898) Source.

Authors Note:

    I went a little longer on this one but I really wanted to tell this story from a modern perspective while acknowledging Aladdin's cleverness and wit without focusing on his obsession over a princess. I do intend to build on this story with the addition of a love interest similar to a princess. I was just running out of space before the story got too long. Update: I finished the follow up and you can find it here .